Ronin Life
by MikariStar
Summary: A collection of funny short stories.
1. Eyes

Eyes

This is a sequel to Snow's Milkball, but it can be understood on its own. You can read Milkball (and more fanfics) at Snow's Rowen site:

h t t p: SLASH SLASH madness DOT rayjah DOT net SLASH hashiba

If that doesn't work, just follow the links on my profile and you'll come across it, go to Confetti! then from there to the Genki Justice Party. We have sites for all the Ronin Warriors there. Anyway, the next few stories will be independent.

Eyes

Ryo shifted on the couch as he took notice of the very obvious stare that was being directed at him. He blinked, completely clueless about what was going through his friends' heads, and perhaps better off not knowing. "Do I have something on my face," he finally asked.

"It's nothing," Mia got up and left the living room, disappearing up the stairs to her room.

Ryo shrugged and continued brushing White Blaze's fur. A thought occurred to him and he theorized that maybe Mia didn't appreciate having tiger hair on her couch. He didn't want to upset her, so he went after her to assure her that he would vacuum the whole living room first thing tomorrow.

"She knows about them?" Cye asked.

"About the shirt?" Sage continued.

"And she's mad because she wasn't part of the action?" Rowen finished, though no one could tell if it was a serious theory or not.

Kento considered saying something, but he wasn't sure how to respond. Mostly he didn't want to fuel anymore false theories about Ryo and himself. He really didn't know how Ryo ended up with that milkball shirt, he thought he got rid of it.

Upstairs, Ryo walked into Mia's room, the door was open, so he took it as an invitation to visitors. "Mia, I'll vacuum tomorrow," he offered.

Mia let out a frustrated sigh but tried to acknowledge what he said with politeness. The last thing she wanted was to discourage him from helping out around the house, even if his attempts weren't always successful, "thanks."

Ryo nodded and left the room. Maybe Mia would be in a better mood after she saw how clean the living room was, and this time he would make sure not to get White Blaze's tail stuck in the vacuum, or else they would need another new vacuum after the current one was destroyed by the tiger's desperate attempt to free himself.

Left alone, Mia examined her reflection in the mirror and shook her head at herself. "Don't be silly," she told herself, "there's no need to be jealous." Maybe jealousy wasn't the word. It was more so a strange feeling of frustration, as if he was making her look bad. Yet she knew it wasn't Ryo's intention, nor his fault, he wasn't even aware of it. She would just have to face the facts and get over it, no matter how much mascara she wore, Ryo's eyelashes would always be the prettiest.

End

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Deviant Art: MikariStar  
Fanart Central: AzureMikari


	2. Life Hacks

Life Hacks

Life Hack: The scent of barbecue filled the air and was happily inhaled by Kento. "The burgers are turning out great," he grinned from eat to ear as he watched Cye tending to the grill.

"Yes," Cye agreed, "thank you, Ryo."

"Yeah, thanks for letting up borrow your grill, man!" Kento added.

"You're welcome, I guess..." Ryo had been a bit unsure about this at first, but at least his friends were happy and the burgers did smell good. Three shadows fell over him as Sage, Rowen and Mia approached, drawn near by the scent of the barbecue. They observed how delicious the food looked and smelled, and complimented it.

Though Cye was tending to the cooking, Ryo felt that he was being complimented too and smiled, lifting his head a little to see the delicious burgers sizzling on his chest. Looks like they found another good use for the wildfire armor, a barbecue grill.

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Another Life Hack: Ryo remembered cuddling with White Blaze at times like this, watching the snow fall out the window and contently relaxing. White Blaze's soft fur made a comfortable pillow and not once did the tiger ever complain about being used as one. Ryo would feel a bit odd in the role of pillow though, not that he could effectively be one while wearing his armor, it was too hard to fit the profile.

None the less, the small mountain cabin they were staying it did seem cozier with all his friends there, their sleeping bags arranged around him. He wouldn't get any sleep tonight, armor did not make good pajamas, but at least he could keep his friends warm. Ryo's a pretty good heater.

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Lots of Life Hacks: Cye deposited the ingredients into the pot and instructed Ryo on how to regulate his armor's temperature while he held it. The torrent ronin had tried to teach wildfire to cook, but true to his armor's name, Ryo got impatient, the heat went wild and the food was burned. It took Cye's constant supervision and coaching to get Ryo to perform the role of a proper stove and oven.

"I'm tired of this," Ryo complained. He was happy to help, but being a household appliance got old fast.

"Don't worry, your reward is almost ready," Cye stirred the pot one last time, then took it out of Ryo's arm, with his kitchen mittens, careful not to touch the hot armor. "Just a little longer, keep the temperature steady on your helmet." He went to put away the stew while keeping and eye on Ryo to make sure he didn't use too much heat.

Ryo watched as an appetizing chocolaty substance began to rise from the dough that filled his helmet. He followed Cye's instructions until it was ready and the giant cupcake was pulled out of the helmet. A cake pan had been set inside it to shape the base and it now held a cake the size of Ryo's head with a fluffy perfect mushroom shaped finish rising from the pan, ready to receive the frosting Cye applied.

"Finished," Cye happily announced. "It's all yours, but try not to fill up completely, there's stew for dinner tonight."

"This is all for me?" Ryo stared at the cake. It looked delicious, but he didn't think he would be able to eat it all.

"You deserve a treat, you've been very considerate, holding our bread for us when the toaster stopped working and so on," Cye voiced with a grateful smile.

Ryo is a brave little toaster! Ryo forgot all the annoyances of being a household appliance, after all, his work was appreciated and he got a yummy treat. "Thanks Cye!"

White Blaze was drawn to the kitchen by the appetizing scents, he glanced at Kento hiding in the doorway open mouth. Kento didn't say anything or even notice White Blaze passing by, as he appeared to be lost in thought. Without a word, Kento returned to his room to brainstorm. This was the first day in his new career as a household appliance. He wasn't sure how he would do it, but by Hardrock he would!

Meanwhile, White Blaze walked up to Ryo, his eyes on the cake. "I was going to give you some you know," Ryo laughed. He and While Blaze went out to enjoy the reward of his labor as a kitchen appliance. They lay down in the grass outside and Ryo rested his head on White Blaze, "being a household item isn't easy, it's rewarding..." He pause and looked at White Blaze, "I guess you have been my pillow a lot, huh?"

White Blaze made a sound that was peculiarly like a purr as Ryo set the majority cake before him, having pulled off a piece for himself. "All yours, thanks for being my pillow."

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Life Hack Fail: "I don't think this is working..." Kento pouted in disappointment from his position on the ladder. He peeked into the rooftop where Ryo lay.

"Can I get up now?" Quite frankly, Ryo was tired of laying there in the sun, trying to power the solar generator. At this rate they were better off waiting out the blackout.

"No, don't give up! The solar panel is broken and you're the only replacement we have," Kento pleaded. "It's almost time for my favorite cooking show and I already talked Cye into making today's feature!"

"What's the main dish?" Ryo inquired with some curiosity. It had to be good if it was going to be worth all this trouble.

"I don't know," Kento admitted, then quickly tried to cover his mistake but adding, "but it'll be good!"

While the conversation took place, Rowen, Sage and Cye wondered outside. Kento had assured Cye that the solar powered generator would be up and running in time for Mimi's Digi-Treats, a slightly futuristic cooking show with a cactus-like mascot. Having heard about it from Cye, Rowen and Sage decided to tag along to check on their progress.

"Maybe you have to make like an antenna and strike a pose!" Kento suggested.

Ryo did so, the cables previously plugged into the currently broken solar panel still attached to his wildfire armor with black electrical tape, or what was left of it. Both the tape and the cables were melded into the red metal of the armory due to the extreme heat that radiated from it.

"What are you doing?" After a few moments of off staring, Sage finally had to ask.

Ryo stopped his silly posing and pointed at Kento as he replied, "I'm a human solar panel, it was his idea."

"He's not hot enough though, the generator isn't working yet, but don't worry, we're not giving up!" Kento insisted. "Cye, you'll have a new recipe for me, er us, to try soon!"

"Guys..." Rowen spoke up in a matter of fact tone. "You can't just make a solar panel out of any piece of hot metal, that's not how photovoltaic energy works. You're not going to be able to properly capture photons like that."

"I'm not posing for selfies," Ryo clarified.

"Not photos, photons," Rowen pronounced it in a way to make the difference stand out.

"What's a photon?" Kento asked and for some mysterious reason, Sage suddenly looked horrified.

Before Sage could stop him, Rowen replied, "it's essentially light." Kento smiled at Sage.

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Ryo as a household item XD I thank the Justices for suggesting items, you can blame Neo, Snow and Cherri for encouraging my crazy theories.

End

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Fantasy Bit: h t t p: SLASH SLASH mikari DOT piratesboard DOT net

Deviant Art: MikariStar

Fanart Central: AzureMikari


	3. The Ronin Heart Matchmaker Show

The Ronin Heart Matchmaker Show

The announcer's voice boomed from an indecipherable point overhead. "Welcome, welcome, to The Ronin Heart Matchmaker Show! Today's bachelor is the samurai of the Wildfire armor, a handsome young man who holds the virtue of righteousness and has an adorable pet tiger, let's hear it for Ryo Sanada!"

Ryo found himself tied to a chair in the center of a stage. He was wearing a tux, though the way he was being treated didn't make him feel like a guest of honor. He could hear an endless crowd clapping and cheering, but he couldn't see them. The lights focused on him were so bright that everything else was shrouded in shadows.

"Are to ready to meet today's (mostly) eligible bachelorettes?" It sounded like the echoing disembodied voice was talking to him, but with the gag over his mouth, Ryo couldn't answer. If he could speak though, he would have a few choice words to say he would not repeat in Yuli's presence. "No?" The voice laughed. "Well too bad, cause here they are!"

Mia walked on to the stage wearing a red dress as the announcer introduced her. "She's got beauty and she's got brains. She's a capable chauffeur and an expert in ancient legends. Always ready to lend a helping hand, provide useful clues, and drive her guy around. This sophisticated young lady may sometimes end up in distress, but she more than makes up for it by guiding her man towards the winning strategy. She's also great at keeping house and taking care of children, all while being an independent lady, accomplished scholar, and a member of the United Nations defense department. All that's left for her man to do is stand by her side and look pretty. Let's give a big welcome to Mia Koji!"

The crowds that Ryo couldn't see clapped and cheered while Mia waved at the endless darkness. Ryo made some noises that could not be called words and tried to get her attention. She looked his way, but instead of untying him, she winked.

The booming voice continued. "Our next bachelorette is a fierce beauty from another dimension. This lovely lady defies the test of time and stays young over the centuries, but beauty's not all she has. Make no mistake, she's just as much beast as she is beauty! She's an exotic flower, with immense power and she's the last of her kind. She's looking for a handsome man to help her restore her kin, if you know what I mean. Let's hear it for Lady Kayura!"

Kayura appeared on the stage in a light blue dress, waving to the crowd and blowing kisses in every direction. Ryo was convinced that were both brainwashed, but would make him act in such strange ways? What did they hope to accomplish?

"So, who will it be? Bachelorette number one, or bachelorette number two?" The announcer's voice asked.

Ryo was still tied to the chair, but he found that the gag had disappeared from his mouth, yet the scream of terror he wanted to released was lodged in his throat. The two women looked at him impatiently, their features becoming grotesquely morphed and their eyes glowing a bloody red. They weren't brainwashed, Ryo concluded, they were fake. If only his friends would come save him like they always did in the past.

"Everyone is waiting for your choice Ryo!" Ryo recognized the announcer, but it couldn't be, he sounded just like Talpa!

Ryo squirmed in his chair, struggling against the ropes, but felt as if all his strength had left him. Desperate to buy some time in hope that his friends would find him, he voiced the only reply he could think of, "three!"

"You have chosen bachelorette number three!" Talpa's voice acknowledged. Ryo didn't think there was a third girl, he was just trying to play dumb to stall for time.

Ryo realized his mistake when the fake Mia and Kayura started to strangle him because they didn't get picked. He closed his eyes in pain, unable to call for help. Just when he was about to black out, the pressure on his neck left him and he opened his eyes just on time to see someone punching the fake Mia and Kayura away with such force that they were sent flying and disappeared in the black horizon where the unseen audience cheered.

His savior then picked him up bridal style and whispered in a seductive tone, "let's go on our honey moon, darling..."

Ryo's relief turned to an all out panic attack. This woman, if it even was a woman, had biceps like Kento, hair like Sage, Rowen's face, Cye's voice, and he could somehow sense she was stronger than anyone he had ever faced.

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"Aaahh!" Ryo jumped up on his bed. His heart was pounding and he was drenched in sweat. He frantically looked around in the darkness until he managed to get the lamp on the nightstand on, almost knocking it to the floor in the process.

Taking in his surroundings as well as his pounding headache allowed, Ryo realized that he was in his apartment with White Blaze sitting beside his bed, looking at him as if he had gone insane. The tiger sensed no danger, because in reality, there was none.

Ryo let out a breath of relief and laid down again. Next time Kento won the lottery and took the guys out for drinks, he'd get milk.

End

xoxox xox xoxox

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Deviant Art: MikariStar

Fanart Central: AzureMikari


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